Now that the second round of the series 13 Reasons Why has been released on Netflix, I think about the fact that I’m almost certain that each and every one of us privately have our very own “13 reasons why” we think about the possibility of ending everything. Certainly some of us, are lucky enough not to have reasons. Unfortunately for me, I’m not one of them. But know this. No matter how angry, sad or depressed I get, taking my life is just out of the question. Nor should it be the answer for anyone else. This of course doesn’t mean that when feeling overcome with anger, we don’t blurt out the words that we hope we will never act upon. I’m sure everyone has done it at least once if not more.
Here are 13 Reasons why I’m angry at the world, but would never take my own life.
- One of my twin daughters suffers from Autism. The school system never believed me when I told them that she was autistic even though it was quite obvious. She went through the same school system from early intervention through Junior year in high school only when she started to fall apart. My daughter was and has continued to be bullied by her peers until I took her out of her most recent school placement. On Tuesday of this week she started school in an environment she should have been in all along. I’m sorry for the life she could have had if the system had only listened to me.
- I’m disappointed in the teacher within our school system that failed my daughter. The lack of support as she complained about those bullying her. She wasn’t my only child that was bullied. In fact, looking back, most if not all of my children were bullied at one point in their lives or another. But my youngest three were bullied for most of their lives. I’m not sure if they know that I was aware of what was happening, but I was. I was always advocating for them, but I was always met with resistance from their schools for one reason or another. My daughter with autism’s kindergarten teacher had actually said in a parent/teacher conference with the principle in tow that it was a waste of time to have my daughter in her class because she couldn’t learn anything. I remember the principal telling her to shut her mouth. I was so angry to sit across from her. That same teacher refused to shake my hand on the first day of class that year. I wondered if it was because I was a person of color or if she just wasn’t friendly. Till this day I still wonder how she kept her job all the way up until retirement.
- I remember when my daughters were in pre-school and coming home telling me that the girls in their class were teasing them after they saw me dropping them off. They told them that I couldn’t be their mother because my skin was too dark and my hair was different than theirs. I was appalled. I was told later by their teacher the girls had passed comments after a book they had read in class about different types of hair. That in no way consoled me. I immediately took my girls out of the school as I wasn’t going to have them be around that type of behavior. Do you think I overreacted? I guess it would have to happen to you for you to feel what I felt.
- Remembering the time that my second oldest worked hard to fight for our native american heritage and the fact that she didn’t like the way her high school depicts Native Americans. On the gyms parkay floor use to be a chiefs head with a sporting a headdress symbolizing the warrior. It bothered her to think of everyone stepping on his head as if what he symbolized meant nothing. I felt the same every year I had gym at that very location. She spearheaded the movement to have it removed. It since has been, but she was bullied every day from the 2nd half of her junior year through her senior year. No one protected her. My advocating for her did nothing. No one really wants to face racism unless it directly affects them or someone they love.
- I hate the fact that the majority of the men in my life have victimized me in one way or another. Leaving me to feel powerless in a town I thought was my home. I remember once being assaulted by a former boyfriend right on Harvard Street in Brookline in front of the old laundromat in front of the Mobile station. People were passing by us it was clear that he along with his girlfriend were assaulting me. Mind you, I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with my first child and he was the father. He had cheated on me with the woman that was helping him attack me. No one would help me. Again, I found myself wondering if it was because I was a person of color. I have thanked god every day for letting me and my baby survive that assault. I am truly forever grateful.
- Upset about the fact that after all the tragedies that have happened, young people always find away to get access to guns and shoot up schools for unknown reasons. Friday at least 10 people lost their lives and at least another 10 people were injured. A 17-year-old was the one pulling the trigger.
- Mad at what I think is a pack of lies at least in my town as it relates to the reporting of bullying. Personally, I know of at least 3 cases of bullying alone in just the highschool alone and the town only reported 1 for the year in question. I can guarantee you other schools in our town reported incidents too. Most schools just down play what’s really happening because they don’t want to deal with it. My daughter was bullied for months at her last school and they supported one incident, but not the second one so I pulled her out. The real problem is, no one wants to be accountable for anything and they don’t want to be labeled as a school with a problem. There is no way to fix a problem if people are willing to recognize that the problem exists.
- I fear what social media has done to our children as well as to us as adults. Adults along with teens and children alike are continuously trying to please each other. They have something to prove to each other and always want to fit in. Too much time is spent on trying to be what others think they should be and doing what others think you should be doing. Everyone has lost a sense of their true selves.
- Cell Phones vs. Face to Face interactions. Now, when you talk with friends and family it’s more often than not awkward because everyone has lost the ability to interact socially when everything they need is at the tip of their fingers.
- I’m angry and fed up with the fact that drugs are still so readily available for young kids to get their hands on and the number of drug related death. The Opioid epidemic has reached countries I didn’t even know could afford to do drugs. However, I realize when someone wants something bad enough, they find a way to pay for it.
- I’m disgusted by the amount of devastation people endure every day. There are so many varying natural disasters i.e. the volcano eruption in Hawaii.
- Our political state of being is an embarrassment.
- People in a position of trust and power using their position to assault children and/or adults under their direction is deplorable, but seems to be occurring more often than not these days.
I will be finishing the 2nd season of the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why. Hope you’ll stop by and I will share my take on it with you, if you are interested. Until next time it’s just another Day in the Life of ME!
I’m Sure We All Have Our Own “13 Reasons Why” – I’ll Tell You Mine, Will You Tell Me Yours? Another Day in the Life of ME!©
By Felina Silver Robinson