You don’t know it, but I see every tear that rolls down your cheek. I see the worry and desperation in yours eyes. I see your longing for what was. Your moments of silence are full of worry and searching for memories that are lost forever. Once again, the tears roll down your cheeks as you turn to me wishing you could get out of your bed, take my hand and walk to Watertown and back like we used to. Strategically, I change the subject, we talk about anything that is current so the past won’t hurt you. You laugh when you don’t have the answers as I ask you what you like, what you’ve watched, who you’ve seen. It’s all ok, there’s no judging here. I leave for the day worrying every moment that when I next visit, the smile that greeted me, and the giggle that followed will be absent because you, the mother that I’ve come to adore and always admired, slipped away in the night. I awaken from yet another nightmare. Now, each moment is more important than the last. But the clock is still ticking, neither of us control what will might happen. Each day that the phone doesn’t ring to deliver bad news, is a win. Each day that I pass your house and there are no emergency vehicles waiting to take you away, my heart remains calm and I am grateful. Happy knowing I still have time see see the smile that greets me, followed by the giggle.
Where’s My Smile Followed by the Giggle?©
By Felina Silver Robinson