I Never, I Am and I Will©

I never thought missing you could weigh so heavily on my heart.

I never knew that you could need someone even more after they left you.

I never longed for someone as much as I long for you and the love you once had for me.

I never knew that death could be such a master at controlling the hearts of others.

I never knew that grief could be so dark, looming over every new chance at happiness.

I never knew that time was the master of manipulation, letting you think you have more time than the time that actually exists.

I never knew that wanting something could feel so frivolous even if it’s a loved one.

Am I greedy because I need you?

Am I selfish because I don’t want to let you go?

Am I a fool for thinking you might return to me as if you never left?

Am I a dreamer to think I could ever be happy again without you?

Am I so desperate that I can’t stop getting lost in your pictures?

Am I so lonely that I can’t stop talking to the ghost of you?

Am I strong enough to know that I can and will make it past all that’s lost to me forever?

I will teach myself to find strength from within to fight my demons and move past my pain to create the future you hoped I would have.

I will forever honor and remember all that you were, all that you will continue to be, and respect that the only way to set you free is to let myself be free.

I Never, I Am and I Will© by Felina Silver

Copyright 09/11/23

This poem is dedicated to my mom, Faye Silver who would have celebrated a birthday today. It is the first birthday remembering her instead of celebrating with her. Mom, I’m doing the best to heal the cracks in my heart caused by the loss of you. Each day brings more hope. I love you forevermore, with love from your Robina ❤️⛪🦆